A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: 'I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down.' The man is incredulous and asks why. The vet says: 'Because he's far too heavy.' zNSFW

https://i.imgur.com/9Hs0yrk.jpg

User: apeacezalt2

Categories: AdultConnect

What did the two tampons say to each other? Nothing, they're both stuck-up cunts.

*Guy tries giving me his phone number* Me: Oh no thank you. I already have one

What do people from the 1930's and /r/news jokes have in common? They're both old.

"Beat up anybody you see drinking 7UP" -first rule of Sprite Club

"I'm so pissed I could punch a ba-" "A what?" Big Baby from Toy

How do you get a gay man to fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt.

Why don't you want your nose to be 12 inches long? because then it would be a foot!

I once was bored so I decided to eat a clock to *pass the time*. It was very *time

T Rex isnt so scary if you imagine a bunch of baby T Rexes watching Barney just giggling

In China the labels read, "Made by someone you know."

Is that mine? I was walking down the street when I saw black guy with a laptop. Is

If two people had a race and one had sand in his shoe but the other did not, who

If you're reading this you're probably addicted to the internet. And by internet,

Jokers of Reddit, any good blonde jokes or punch lines out there?

Pokemon Go has really improved my life... I used to always get in trouble for playing

What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit the frog's finger

Did you hear about the Pirate suffering from scurvy? His attempts to cure it were

Why does Helen Keller wear tight jeans? So people can read her lips.

What is the greatest intermolecular force of all time? Dipole, dipole, dipole, dipole,

How to get a Jewish girl's number? Roll up her sleeve...

H: You look nice. Me: I'm meeting one of my Twitter friends today. H: So you want

Why do lawyer's suits never have pants pockets? Because their hands are always in

ME: Is this Babies R Us CASHIER: Yes ME: No babies work here C: I know ME: It should

A Bug's Mind What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when he crashes

Star Wars (1977, PG) a group of terrorists enlist the aid of a drug smuggler and

True: If you don't eat a whole basket of tortilla chips before your entree arrives

What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her

My favorite kind of math is adding insult to injury.

My best friend and I were comparing our penises... for who has the biggest. It ended

Broken pencils... ...are pointless.