[uses the restroom] Wife: make sure to put the toilet seat down Me: okay Me: [to toilet seat] you're worthless and nobody likes you zNSFW

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User: apeacezalt2

Categories: AdultConnect

In China the labels read, "Made by someone you know."

A priest, a rabbi and a leprechaun walk into a bar. The leprechaun says, "Bejesus,

I think r/jokes may be glitched Top of all time and new both show the same jokes

Is that mine? I was walking down the street when I saw black guy with a laptop. Is

If two people had a race and one had sand in his shoe but the other did not, who

Donald Trump Does this count as putting the punchline in the title?

Pokemon Go has really improved my life... I used to always get in trouble for playing

What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit the frog's finger

According to my google history, I spent most of last night trying to buy a llama.

A programmer began to cuss Because getting to sleep was a fuss. When laying in her

Why are normal human body temperatures around 98.7*F? Because we're all a little

When I hear "This call is being monitored for quality assurance" I think

Jared Fogle was guilty and got 16 years He was just grateful for anything under 18.

ME: Is this Babies R Us CASHIER: Yes ME: No babies work here C: I know ME: It should

A Bug's Mind What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when he crashes

Them: If you were stranded on a desert island with any two people, living or dead,

Year 2142: Meat eaters have died out. Vegans survive. 2143: Everyone is dead b/c

My favorite kind of math is adding insult to injury.

Here's two short jokes and a long joke: joke. joke. joooooooke.

My best friend and I were comparing our penises... for who has the biggest. It ended

What's the difference between coriander and cumin? You can't coriander your pants.

There are two types of people in life... Those who think there are two types of people

Did you hear about the man who choked on an issue of The Guardian after learning

Get a big metal box, label it "TIME CAPSULE" and take a big dump in it

PSA: If you've got an Islamic dog... Muslim

I am an expert at making balloon animals. May I interest you in a hyphen or a pickle?

Orange Julius is the third best thing to happen to oranges behind mimosas and the

Prostitutes hate trick-or-treaters.

Did you guys know that water can talk? Water you talking about?

Teacher: How much is half of 8 Pupil: Up and down or across ? Teacher: What do you