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Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!

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User: apeacezalt2

Categories: AdultConnect_uk

What do you call children born of ginger people? Ginger-bred

Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Did you hear about the Coldplay concert in China last weekend? It was all yellow.

What do you call a small, noisy dog? A subwoofer.

[Spelling Bee] -Your word is phlegm -Can you use it in a sentence? *loudly clears

I have a split personality No he doesn't

I have a pen..... I have a apple :D

Hotel California is basically a negative Yelp review with a two minute guitar solo.

Day One, living in one of those tiny houses: "Well, isn't this quaint?"

Sorry I pissed on the walls of your bathroom, but the flowery wall paper made me

My son got me some very expensive cologne for Father's Day. I know it was very expensive

How do two lawyers greet each other? With a firm handshake.

From now on when skinny girls say they're fat I'm just gonna be like, "Yup"

What's the name of the best brewer in the world? Bock Goodale

Q: How many Honor Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 22 one to screw

Why didn't the principal of the school for the blind allow his students to go duck-hunting?

The only thing better than sarcasm... is irony.

When I die, I want a disease named after me, with symptoms that include "being

My new bowflex comes tomorrow...so if anyone wants to buy a slightly used bowflex

TIFU when I deleted my gym membership, hit my lawyer, &amp; posted it to

Your baby might be adorable, but so is my cat and she cleans her own butt.

What do Jesus and your mom have in common? They both got nailed all night.

CW: The boss said she wanted to see you. Me: That's flattering, but I don't date

What do you use to cut the ocean? A seasaw

A priest, a rabbi and a leprechaun walk into a bar. The leprechaun says, "Bejesus,

I think r/jokes may be glitched Top of all time and new both show the same jokes

According to my google history, I spent most of last night trying to buy a llama.

A programmer began to cuss Because getting to sleep was a fuss. When laying in her

Them: If you were stranded on a desert island with any two people, living or dead,

Here's two short jokes and a long joke: joke. joke. joooooooke.

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