*nose hairs growing out of control *buys tiny scissors *jam them in the eyes of whoever I catch staring at my nose hairs zNSFW

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User: apeacezalt2

Categories: AdultConnect

What do you call an inspiring jerk session? A stroke of genius!

Guy comes home with a flower bouquet... "Guess I'll have to spread my legs now",

An apple a day keeps my fruit-picking business trapped in bankruptcy.

Imagine me naked. Wrong. Fatter.

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Someone should invent a version of Twitter for people who spell things like rappers.

Ropin' and Ranchin' by Larry Yett

What's the difference between a pizza and a black man? The pizza can feed a family

you knew the backstreet boys were actually friends because when the one boy asks

What do you call a Chinese conga line? A Chu Chu train

The road to recovery from my addiction to sexual innuendos has been a long and hard

A guy walks into a bar and says, "I'm going to shoot whoever slept with my wife"!

What's a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer? Comet! =D

You could be a "Before" model.

I like my women like I like my coffee... [Fill in the blank]

"Your mission... Should you chose to accept it..." *Go to a bar you Hate

Who does the Metric Cult worship? ...Demetre.

What's better than two roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ.

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A girl grabbed my cock and said, "Wow! Your dick wouldn't make a very good clock."

What is it called when you are on the edge of WiFi signal range? Router Limits!

If I had a penny for every Donald Trump joke, I would have a small loan of one million

Putting a woman on a $10 makes sense . . . . . . no one really wants a 1 or a 5.

Who are the 3 most famous black women? 1. Oprah 2. Aunt Jamima 3. Motha Fucka

You really have to question the judgment of people who have children on purpose.

This bank pen tastes like it's been in a lot of other people's mouths

Opinions are like Assholes... Everyone has one, and some just taste better than others.

"I'll be a dentist. Then they'll love me." "We're terrified of dentists."

Retweet if you're naughty! Star if you love Jesus! Reply if you'd like to meet him!

What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ? No one