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I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night. I wanted it to be special

When I die, I want a disease named after me, with symptoms that include "being

My mom recently bought a Jesus shaped flashlight When I asked her why she said: So

Your baby might be adorable, but so is my cat and she cleans her own butt.

What do people from the 1930's and /r/news jokes have in common? They're both old.

CW: The boss said she wanted to see you. Me: That's flattering, but I don't date

I think r/jokes may be glitched Top of all time and new both show the same jokes

Is that mine? I was walking down the street when I saw black guy with a laptop. Is

A programmer began to cuss Because getting to sleep was a fuss. When laying in her

Why are normal human body temperatures around 98.7*F? Because we're all a little

Them: If you were stranded on a desert island with any two people, living or dead,

Year 2142: Meat eaters have died out. Vegans survive. 2143: Everyone is dead b/c

Did you hear about the man who choked on an issue of The Guardian after learning

I am an expert at making balloon animals. May I interest you in a hyphen or a pickle?

What is Jeb Bush's campaign slogan? Third time's the charm

Shout out to my self-aware friends, you know who you are

Put the punchline in the title. How do you piss off a redditor?

Got disoriented and walked into the wrong classroom. Didn't want to look stupid so

Islam is a race. Because it's inbreeds fucking each other.

No one is more unnecessarily confident than a white person that just ordered Mexican

Dad and son A son asks his father "Why does my bum hurt" while the father

Why doesn't Hitler go ski? Cause he's blown his fucking head.

Life is like art done in chalk, beautiful but temporary, enjoy it while possible.

What do black men find most shocking about sex? Tazers

What type of fruit is not allowed to get married? Cantaloupe...

asdf

A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: 'I'm sorry, I'll have

If you hear the words "oh yeah, suck it" coming from my bedroom, it's probably

The Presidential Debate We don't know if Hillary is telling the truth, and we're

ME: all the King's horses and men couldn't put u back together HUMPTY DUMPTY: what

I feel quite light today. Pounds aren't what they used to be.

Yup. If pasta & antipasta ever touch, they annihilate. For your safety, that's

What do you call a frisbee that's more than a friend? Frisbae

I'm glad it's the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the

I have this fun drinking game where you take a drink every time you'd like one because

If these walls could talk I'd fuckin' move out immediately.

What's a pirate's favourite type of weaponry? It's ARRRtillery! bonus: A pirate's

Two fish are in a tank... One is driving, and the other is manning the guns.

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