*Guy tries giving me his phone number* Me: Oh no thank you. I already have one zNSFW

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If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country, if Clinton wins I'm leaving the

Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were.

What is Moby Dicks dad's name? Poppa Boner

A blind guy walks into a bar... ...then a table, then a chair, then another chair...

Why does BuzzFeed skip every other number when counting? They literally can't

Maybe if Red Bull gave me buffalo wings i'd give a shit.

When I say I'm gonna take a nap, it means I'm gonna go on my computer for

Impotence: Nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings"

Me: waiter, do you have frog legs? Waiter: of course monsieur Me: good, hop over

ADHD is ADD in high definition.

How does an Australian clean is bum? Bidet, mate.

Why do elephants have 4 feet? Because in the animal kingdom 6 inches just wont do

What did the Marine Biologist say when he saw two eels making love? "It's

I bought a muzzle for my pet duck. Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill.

What's a lumberjack's favorite director? TimBuuurrrrrrrton

What's the difference between wild Iranian Ossetra caviar and my penis? One

What do you call a bald porcupine? Pointless.

What bees makes the best milk ? Boob-bees And also this is my first time using Reddit

My 8 y/o memorized my 12 character password that has upper and lowercase letters,

FREE $1,000,000,000 IDEA: a Tumblr-type platform for list-making called Schindlr

When a woman says "WHAT did you just say?" say something different.

Even after 20 years, Jared Fogle is still getting into smaller and smaller jeans.

What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's

I like my slaves like I like my coffee Fair Trade.

Chicken Why did the chicken cross the road? Why? To go to the gay guys house Knock

Person who fought in WWII hit with pepper spray... Now he is a seasoned veteran.

Why don't most fans like the first 39 episodes of DBZ? Its pretty gay, just

What do you call a dog with short legs and steel balls? Sparky

How to keep the flies off the bride at an Italian wedding Keep a bucket of shit next

What do you call children born of ginger people? Ginger-bred