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What do you call an inspiring jerk session? A stroke of genius!
Imagine me naked. Wrong. Fatter.
Ropin' and Ranchin' by Larry Yett
A guy walks into a bar and says, "I'm going to shoot whoever slept with my wife"!
I like my women like I like my coffee... [Fill in the blank]
sdfsdfwe
If I had a penny for every Donald Trump joke, I would have a small loan of one million
This bank pen tastes like it's been in a lot of other people's mouths
What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ? No one
What do you call going Doctor to Doctor... What do you call going Doctor to Doctor
If you believe the home alarm commercials, the first thing burglars do when they
"Oh you just put lotion on? You're not going anywhere." - Doorknob
Dog's Facebook status: Tried to save the master from the vacuum cleaner today...
September is Alzheimer's Awareness month... remind me tomorrow.
FREE $1,000,000,000 IDEA: a Tumblr-type platform for list-making called Schindlr
hey girl are you my ceiling fan because i'm pretty hot but also too lazy to get up
I once had a crippiling masturbation addiction... ...now i have a sex addiction,
What's the only thing an Irish person can hold on to? A grudge.
how many people does it take to save the world? zero (compliments to my SO who thinks
If your'e anxious and you know it..... ...clasp your hands.
My girlfriend left me after I broke her wheelchair..... Oh,, I think she'll come
Why do Canadians do it doggy style? So they can both watch the hockey game.
They just found a Black guy hanging from a tree with 79 stab wounds in Alabama....
Nothing good has ever gone into a microwave at 3:00am.
What English King invented the fireplace ? Alfred the grate !
My dog can predict when an earthquake is going to happen. But television doorbell
I love raccoons. Part cat. Part dog. Part rodent. Part bear. Little people hands.
Nsfw Whats the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? The zit waits untill
What is the biggest compliment you can pay at a gay bar? Pushing in somebody's stool.
I just found out I am a hipster Because I started using #NotMyPresident 8 years ago.
My doctor had to put me on a new medication that's supposed to help lower the amount
To all the girls that say Gentlemen don't exist anymore: They do exist but Gentlemen
This may be not be a mainstream opinion, but I don't believe you should cut down
I want to start a coffee shop that only plays ambient/electronic music... and call
Letsh Have Shex! -Horny Sean Connery
Q: How many Kings of Spain does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Juan
its macaroni and cheese not macaroni and steve
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Why did Adele cross the road? She wanted to say hello from the other side. ^^^^^^hilarious
It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her
Q. What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A. He is usually
There's a 100% chance the Republicans will discuss Starbucks cups in a debate tonight,
In Florida, a couple has been accused of making meth in a public library. Isn't that
Guy comes home with a flower bouquet... "Guess I'll have to spread my legs now",
You can't keep eating people's lunches from the break room & blaming the
you knew the backstreet boys were actually friends because when the one boy asks
Why don't you see hippos hiding in trees? Because they're really good at it.
What's better than two roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ.
Q) How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather? A) He's got bugs on his
If I had a penny for every Donald Trump joke, I would have a small loan of one million
What do you call an iPhone 6S that ran out memory space. Successful
What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ? No one
If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country, if Clinton wins I'm leaving the country Not
Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were. Mother:
Me: waiter, do you have frog legs? Waiter: of course monsieur Me: good, hop over
ADHD is ADD in high definition.
What do you call a bald porcupine? Pointless.
What bees makes the best milk ? Boob-bees And also this is my first time using Reddit
I like my slaves like I like my coffee Fair Trade.

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