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What do you call a frisbee that's more than a friend? Frisbae
"You know what." -- They.
What the quickest way to a mans heart? Though his chest with a knife
One hair in my soup Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup. - And what
Why can't a bike stand on it's own? Because it is two tired.
NEVER date someone that works for your cell phone provider. You're welcome.
Two fish are in a tank... One is driving, and the other is manning the guns.
What was the name of Paul Revere's favorite porno mag? The British are Coming
Fruit and urinal give a bad name to cakes everywhere.
How do you know if your wine was made in the 90's? It smells like teen spirit.
How many people does it take to change a light bulb in Brazil? A Brazillion!!! http://imgur.com/c4CJjUd
What do elephants do in the evenings ? Watch elevision !
Putting captions in the wrong place You know what I hate the most...?
I just Googled 'Nicolas Cage jokes' and it showed me a list of every film he's been
What do you call a black man who dies of heat exhaustion and a white guy that dies
What do you call a blonde in a BMW? Optional.
I robbed a place with my boner and said it was a gun... I got a pretty STIFF punishment.
My mom recently bought a Jesus shaped flashlight When I asked her why she said: So
Why did the Gorilla visit Italy? An advertisement's headline enticed him - See Ape-les
What do you call a racist dog from Animal Crossing? KKK Slider
Who is better? The 3rd wave feminist or the pencil? The pencil is better. It has
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
I'm trying to write a poem for my girlfriend, does anyone know what rhymes with threesome?
Why don't prison inmates just use liquid soap?
If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,"Help, they've turned me
What do you call a grammatically incorrect horse? An horse.
I work hard so my dog can have a better life.
I heard that Being the one to circumcise elephants doesn't pay too well But the tips
What does James Bond say after a heavy workout? I would like to have Whey. Shaken,
Why do lawyer's suits never have pants pockets? Because their hands are always in
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her
What Is Bluetooth ? When your toothbrush stops working mid brushing
The definition of spin
me: can i have a coke waiter: is Pepsi ok? me: ya pepsi's fine pepsi: i have a boyfriend
They say love is worth more than money. But I'm pretty sure my landlord is gona want
Libertarian Presidential Candidate's new Campaign, inspired by Bernie Sanders. "Feel
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face
Guy comes home with a flower bouquet... "Guess I'll have to spread my legs now",
Someone should invent a version of Twitter for people who spell things like rappers.
What's the difference between a pizza and a black man? The pizza can feed a family
you knew the backstreet boys were actually friends because when the one boy asks
The road to recovery from my addiction to sexual innuendos has been a long and hard
You could be a "Before" model.
"Your mission... Should you chose to accept it..." *Go to a bar you Hate
Who does the Metric Cult worship? ...Demetre.
What is it called when you are on the edge of WiFi signal range? Router Limits!
Putting a woman on a $10 makes sense . . . . . . no one really wants a 1 or a 5.
You really have to question the judgment of people who have children on purpose.
"I'll be a dentist. Then they'll love me." "We're terrified of dentists."
Retweet if you're naughty! Star if you love Jesus! Reply if you'd like to meet him!
What did Spock find in the Enterprise Bathroom? The Captain's Log.
What does a sheep in denial say? Nahhhh
How do you spot the blind man at the nudist beach? It's not hard
Why does BuzzFeed skip every other number when counting? They literally can't even.
How do I know when your sister's on her period..... Your dad's dick taste like blood
Impotence: Nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings"
Me: waiter, do you have frog legs? Waiter: of course monsieur Me: good, hop over
How to get a job... Interviewer: "What's your biggest weakness?" Interviewee:
What's the difference between wild Iranian Ossetra caviar and my penis? One is a
If four out of five people suffer from radiation poisoning... Does that mean the

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