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If a woman has sex with a hundred men...... She is a considered a slut. If a man
COME TO ME JOURNALBOT *Journalbot enters my study* ok write this down: Polar bears
A Brazilian got the first gold medal The police are already after him.
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I showed my son a floppy disk today... ...he said: 'oh cool, you 3D-printed a save
*calls into work* "yo boss i'm real sick" "you don't sound sick..."
"Oh you just put lotion on? You're not going anywhere." - Doorknob
Dog's Facebook status: Tried to save the master from the vacuum cleaner today...
TIL A ref can show a player the red card for a loud fart ... even if it isn't Messi.
A Midget Walked Past Me On The Sidewalk Today Wearing A Shirt That Said "I Hate
First woman on the moon W: Houston, we have a problem H: What is it? W: Nevermind
Today I learned two things: 1. Build-A-Bear Workshop only lets you stuff fake animals
I once had a crippiling masturbation addiction... ...now i have a sex addiction,
What's a pirate's favourite type of weaponry? It's ARRRtillery! bonus: A pirate's
What was the name of Paul Revere's favorite porno mag? The British are Coming
Sometimes I'll start talking to someone on the train, then go "Oh, this is where
Is that mine? I was walking down the street when I saw black guy with a laptop. Is
A programmer began to cuss Because getting to sleep was a fuss. When laying in her
Why are normal human body temperatures around 98.7*F? Because we're all a little
what is the best way to smuggle drugs? In your dogs asshole. Should there be border
Them: If you were stranded on a desert island with any two people, living or dead,
Year 2142: Meat eaters have died out. Vegans survive. 2143: Everyone is dead b/c
Did you hear about the man who choked on an issue of The Guardian after learning
I am an expert at making balloon animals. May I interest you in a hyphen or a pickle?
What do you call a midget with no teeth A gum job.
What is Jeb Bush's campaign slogan? Third time's the charm
Shout out to my self-aware friends, you know who you are
Put the punchline in the title. How do you piss off a redditor?
Got disoriented and walked into the wrong classroom. Didn't want to look stupid so
Islam is a race. Because it's inbreeds fucking each other.
No one is more unnecessarily confident than a white person that just ordered Mexican
Dad and son A son asks his father "Why does my bum hurt" while the father
Why doesn't Hitler go ski? Cause he's blown his fucking head.
Life is like art done in chalk, beautiful but temporary, enjoy it while possible.
What do black men find most shocking about sex? Tazers
What type of fruit is not allowed to get married? Cantaloupe...
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A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: 'I'm sorry, I'll have
An infectious disease enters a bar... the bartender says,"we dont serve your
If you hear the words "oh yeah, suck it" coming from my bedroom, it's probably
A Kiss can make my whole day... But anal could make my hole weak
The Presidential Debate We don't know if Hillary is telling the truth, and we're
ME: all the King's horses and men couldn't put u back together HUMPTY DUMPTY: what
I feel quite light today. Pounds aren't what they used to be.
Yup. If pasta & antipasta ever touch, they annihilate. For your safety, that's
What do you call a frisbee that's more than a friend? Frisbae
I'm glad it's the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the
I have this fun drinking game where you take a drink every time you'd like one because
If these walls could talk I'd fuckin' move out immediately.
What's a pirate's favourite type of weaponry? It's ARRRtillery! bonus: A pirate's
Two fish are in a tank... One is driving, and the other is manning the guns.

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