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My 8 y/o memorized my 12 character password that has upper and lowercase letters,
What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking
Heading to Chinatown after work... I heard it's Erection Day.
TIL A ref can show a player the red card for a loud fart ... even if it isn't Messi.
How to keep the flies off the bride at an Italian wedding Keep a bucket of shit next
When do you kick a midget in the balls? When he's standing next to your girlfriend
I'm ready for the cop-buddy film where they actually get along in the beginning but
How does J.G. Wentworth tell you that he's hungry? "It's my tummy, and I feed
What's the worse thing to do to a blind person? Leave a plunger in the toilet
7% of all hearing loss is a result of sitting in a restaurant next to a table full
A clown at the circus got tomato thrown at him from the audience, he turns and says
What do grandparents smell like? "Depends"
"You know what." -- They.
"It's 5 o'clock somewhere." - a shitty watch.
Why are hillbilly murders hard to solve Because they all share the same DNA
Knock knock. Who's there? Benjamin. Benjamin Who? Yes, Benjamin Netanya Who.
if people really didn't want to hear smartass responses they wouldn't keep asking
When someone tells you to "get a Life," just take theirs. They'll be happy
What did the hillbilly say to his sister after she asked him to have sex with her?
A guy walks into a bar... Ouch.
Why does little sally have a limp? SHE WENT TO JARED!
How do you know if your wine was made in the 90's? It smells like teen spirit.
Whilst at college I did experiment with marijuana. I did it in snow, I did it in
I see you've got your bill for using the Internet Yes and my dad's really going to
Putting captions in the wrong place You know what I hate the most...?
My new cooking show, "Will Sasso Cooks With His Exposed Dick Really Close to
I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night. I wanted it to be special
Wiping your ass is a lot like a traffic light Red means stop.
What idiot called her a Hot Indian Girl and not a Bomb Bae
My mom recently bought a Jesus shaped flashlight When I asked her why she said: So
What did the homeless person say to the gay job interviewer when asked for his address?
This doctor once told me eating a bagel was like eating 5 slices of bread and I was
What Did the Upvote whore say to the Redditor? I'll suck yo dick for a Upvote
I'm trying to write a poem for my girlfriend, does anyone know what rhymes with threesome?
Stealing mosquito repellent... Jacking Off!
Why was pregnant Cinderella late to the ball? Miscarriage
What do you call a grammatically incorrect horse? An horse.
My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with karaoke. I said "Fine,
Donald Trump Does this count as putting the punchline in the title?
The best thing about adolescent humor... is that it never gets old!
The Grapes of Wrath 2: The Raisins of Revenge
What do you call bacteria that can swim fast? Micro Phelps.
Why do lawyer's suits never have pants pockets? Because their hands are always in
I've decided to make an all-natural shampoo made from roots found in Africa. I'll
A Bug's Mind What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when he crashes
Go to racist joke, what's yours? Two unemployed Irishmen walk past a police notice
I think it is wrong that the Bali 9 get a one minute silence I mean, they already
I paid 10.50 for a movie ticket to watch Tom Cruise die continuously for 2 hours.
What do you call a dumb elephant? Donald Trunk
Libertarian Presidential Candidate's new Campaign, inspired by Bernie Sanders. "Feel
Woke up this morning with a pillow over my face, hearing someone muttering "...it
I repaired my drum set after my son broke it... ... ... Now he has to deal with the
Ropin' and Ranchin' by Larry Yett
You could be a "Before" model.
Listen to your instincts. Your gut is always right. It may be a little bloated sometimes...but
I like my women like I like my coffee... [Fill in the blank]
Now marriage can be between any two people who are misguided enough to start a life
What is it called when you are on the edge of WiFi signal range? Router Limits!
Has this one ever been used? Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was
Opinions are like Assholes... Everyone has one, and some just taste better than others.

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