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What is the greatest intermolecular force of all time? Dipole, dipole, dipole, dipole,
Star Wars (1977, PG) a group of terrorists enlist the aid of a drug smuggler and
How can you tell Russians are bad at driving stick? cause their cars are always Stalin
My girlfriend used to kiss me on the lips but It's all over now.
What has 9 arms and sucks? Def Leppard!
Me: When I was lying in bed, I found this huge lump. I need it removed. Doctor: Ma'am,
How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to
I got asked how I view lesbian relationships.. Apparently HD wasn't the correct answer.
The first rule of procrastination club is: Google some weird shit then take a nap.
Why is my Tetris highscore like my wife? I beat both of them for fun.
Why does Darkwing Duck wear a mask? You are a duck. No one could identify you without
What's the best reason to date a pornstar? You never have to meet her father.
Ay' girl,is your dad a terrorist Cause you re da bomb
Sometimes I'm depressed and then a girl stars one of my tweets and it's like YAAAAYYYY
What is a name for a female lawyer? Sue
Apparently when your boss asks if you're on drugs "which drugs?" isn't
"911, what's your emergency?" Me: A cute guy at the laundromat walked past
Why the gills in the sea don't drink tea even though there is plenty of water That
What did the farmer say when the police found the gate from the public footpath in
Two guys walk into a bar.. The third guy ducked.
The people in this ad look 'indie' & remind me of myself. As a consumer this
Student: Teacher, can I ask you a question? Teacher: You just did.
What do Shakespearian Buddhists eat for breakfast? Om and cheese Hamlets.
I didn't see mommy kiss Santa, but my sister saw her kiss the mailman, which explains
What do people call their grandmother in India? Naana
Duck Dynasty guy is right-- if we baptize all those ISIS guys, Iraq will be safe
What do you call an inspiring jerk session? A stroke of genius!
Imagine me naked. Wrong. Fatter.
A guy walks into a bar and says, "I'm going to shoot whoever slept with my wife"!
sdfsdfwe
This bank pen tastes like it's been in a lot of other people's mouths
What do you call going Doctor to Doctor... What do you call going Doctor to Doctor
"Oh you just put lotion on? You're not going anywhere." - Doorknob
Dog's Facebook status: Tried to save the master from the vacuum cleaner today...
September is Alzheimer's Awareness month... remind me tomorrow.
hey girl are you my ceiling fan because i'm pretty hot but also too lazy to get up
What's the only thing an Irish person can hold on to? A grudge.
If your'e anxious and you know it..... ...clasp your hands.
Why do Canadians do it doggy style? So they can both watch the hockey game.
Nothing good has ever gone into a microwave at 3:00am.
What English King invented the fireplace ? Alfred the grate !
Nsfw Whats the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? The zit waits untill
I just found out I am a hipster Because I started using #NotMyPresident 8 years ago.
To all the girls that say Gentlemen don't exist anymore: They do exist but Gentlemen
I want to start a coffee shop that only plays ambient/electronic music... and call
its macaroni and cheese not macaroni and steve
Why did Adele cross the road? She wanted to say hello from the other side. ^^^^^^hilarious
Q. What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A. He is usually
In Florida, a couple has been accused of making meth in a public library. Isn't that
You can't keep eating people's lunches from the break room & blaming the
Why don't you see hippos hiding in trees? Because they're really good at it.
Q) How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather? A) He's got bugs on his
What do you call an iPhone 6S that ran out memory space. Successful
Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were. Mother:
ADHD is ADD in high definition.
What bees makes the best milk ? Boob-bees And also this is my first time using Reddit
Person who fought in WWII hit with pepper spray... Now he is a seasoned veteran.
What do you call children born of ginger people? Ginger-bred
Did you hear about the Coldplay concert in China last weekend? It was all yellow.
[Spelling Bee] -Your word is phlegm -Can you use it in a sentence? *loudly clears

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